You Suck, Mr Panda!
by FastForward
Summary: Short crackfic. Naruto pisses off a bunch of ANBU, expecting to lose them in a crowd. The only one he doesn't lose is Mr. Panda. An evil panda is chasing meeeee. Oneshot.


**A/N: Dedicated to Aaida, cause she's awesome and oh so nice XD Credit to the muse who came up with the initial idea while we were chatting on MSN. **

**Another piece of crack. I need to stop with the crack...**

**Disclaimer: They ain't mine, or else there'd be a lot more smex.**

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**You Suck, Mr. Panda!**

Uzumaki Naruto had done some pretty bad things during his time in Konoha, he would admit it. He'd defaced the Hokage Mountain statues, he'd disobeyed direct orders in favour of having fun, and he'd even skipped out on school because he'd found it useless and stupid.

But the blond had always known when to draw the line. When he'd been younger, he had never crossed the line because he'd been afraid that he would bite off more than he could chew. But now, at seventeen and on the verge of becoming a Jounin, he figured he could pretty much get away with anything.

So, he detonated a paint-bomb in the ANBU headquarters.

Sure, it had _seemed _like a good idea at the time, but looking back on it now... maybe it hadn't been so smart.

"Uzumaki! Get back here! We're going to _kill_ you!"

The blond ignored the angry cry behind him as he jumped as fast as he could from rooftop to rooftop. There were four particularly angry ANBU chasing him. They'd been the closest and had been hit with the most paint.

He knew one of them was Neji—the one catching up the fastest in a hawk mask—but the other three he wasn't sure. One had a dog mask, another had a bear mask, and the last one had what appeared to be a panda mask. It had been painted to resemble one, anyway.

Well, not so much anymore, since the blue paint kind of obscured it.

Naruto leapt down into the busy marketplace, hoping to lose the ANBU in the crowds, excusing himself hurriedly as he pushed past people and dodged under others, looking over his shoulder briefly every now and then. Neji and Bear-face appeared to have given up, not wanting to bother the civilians. Dog-face looked like he was debating what to do, but Panda man—who had yelled out that he was going to kill Naruto—was still hot in pursuit.

He gulped loudly as he continued running and eventually found himself near the Uchiha compound, running in hurriedly. Sasuke's house loomed closer and closer and he bolted towards it at full speed, knowing the Uchiha would offer him shelter. Well, maybe not, but Naruto would take it, anyway.

He leapt onto the porch and started pounding on the door. "Sasuke! Sasuke! Open up!" He turned to see where the ANBU was and saw Panda man slowly making his way towards him. He could've sworn the mask itself was smirking. "Sasuke! There's an angry panda chasing me! Make it stop!" he whined as he banged on the door. "Sasuke!"

"You're such a dumbass, dobe."

Naruto froze, his hand in mid-air since he'd been about to hit the door again. Slowly, he turned towards the angry Panda man, and watched as the hood was pulled down and the mask removed. Dark eyes stared back at him as a smirk played on a pair of pink lips, black hair falling down around a porcelain-white face.

Naruto's mouth fell open and he screamed as he pointed at the ANBU.

"_Sasuke!"_

"Hn." The Uchiha smirked as he walked up to Naruto, blue paint still splattered across the front of his robe and on the mask he held in his hand.

"A panda?!"

"What's wrong with that?" the raven asked, glaring defensively. "And just so you know, you owe me."

"Huh?" Naruto blinked, having calmed down completely. Sasuke always wondered if he had an on-off switch, or something.

"The angry panda isn't going to kill you." The Uchiha grinned. "But you've effectively forfeited your right as seme for this week."

"Eh?!" Naruto screamed right in Sasuke's face. "But it's my turn!"

"And you got blue paint all over my uniform. So your punishment is that you don't get to seme."

"Then I seme next week?"

"Next week is my week."

"_Eh?!"_ Naruto screamed again. "So you were seme _last _week, and you're taking my seme rights _this_ week, and you're gonna be seme _next_ week?! That's not fair!"

"Nothing ever is, dobe." Sasuke leaned forward and kissed Naruto gently. The blond pulled away and pouted.

"You suck, Mr. Panda."

"Hm." Sasuke grinned. "Get inside and I'll do just that."

Naruto sputtered as the raven bent down and picked Naruto up, throwing the blond over his shoulder and opening his door.

"Sasuke! Sasuke, put me down! Oi! Sasuke!"

The front door slammed behind them.

**END.**


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